I DON'T see couples for relationship counselling, marriage counselling, or civil partnership therapy.
Please note, for relationship counselling, I ONLY see individuals privately (independently of their partner),
who want to work through their OWN, SPECIFIC concerns, issues in their relationship.
Pregnancy, Children & Parenting - Counselling In London
Whether Or Not To Have Children
Deciding Whether To Have Children We can't have everything in our relationship, marriage, yet the issue of children can test exactly what this means for us and our relationship. Some of us may have a dilemma in how we responsibly make a decision whether to have a child or children. (Sometimes the so called "unexpected" may occur and we may have had an "unplanned pregnancy", which was a "mistake".) Problems in the relationship, marriage, may surface when one person wants a child, and the other doesn't. Talking through the options courageously, honestly, and openly, our fears, dreams may be an important part of the process and whatever routes we take, happiness can't be guaranteed. The timing, whether and when to have a child together, our biology, the rush of hormones and strong urges, irrationality, can for some bring its own dilemmas. One person may be keener, more enthusiastic than the other. One of us may only be seeing drawbacks, and be adamant we don't want children, the other may only be seeing advantages and would really like to have children or deeply regret not doing so. Having children can be a compelling reason and purpose for some for being together as a couple and is seen as intrinsic to the relationship, marriage, that through having children can enlarge life together, hold things together as a couple. For many in a loving relationship, deciding not to have children isn't a reason to end the relationship, marriage - that enjoying the freedom of not having children is an option. For other couples, when one person has made the choice not to have children, the other, whose reasons, main purposes of their relationship, marriage, have been compromised, may be left with a real dilemma of whether to continue the relationship, because those deepest desires will be curtailed. There may be other factors (see also Baby Loss, Baby Grief, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Pregnancy Termination, Abortion). The underlying feelings, beliefs about whether or not to have children may also be related to our own childhood experiences, the impact of the parenting (including mother, father role models we received), the vows and promises we made to ourself back then, our own commitment issues and indeed midlife concerns (see also Fatherhood). Whether it is single or couple parenting, sometimes our determination to have a child may cloud our self-judgement, and this can be explored in relationship therapy. How free we are to choose whether to be a parent now can also be explored in the therapy.
When One Person Changes Their Mind About Wanting A Child We may have been in the relationship for some while and have come to the conclusion that we do not want to have a child. We may see the state of the world as a reason not to bring a child into it. Yet other underlying factors, feelings, may yet to have been explored. This can be especially painful for the other partner if this isn't openly talked about, especially if there was an implicit agreement to have children together. We may be unable to convince each other towards our point of view. Sharing our own vulnerability, speaking our own truth, our pain, needs, what we really value, may be important and some couples find a way forward through this, meaning that they jointly decide whether to have a child or not, so the relationship continues to flourish in meaningful ways. However, it may be important that resentment doesn't dominate it. Some relationships may end if both in the couple radically want different things.
Other Dilemmas - Questioning Our Life, Our Relationship, Marriage We may be seeking clarity around whether we want to be with this person in our life as our partner, a parent. We may also be considering going it alone, having a child as a single parent. Honestly talking things through with our partner, allowing their responses to inform us, can help us find clarity. If one person has made the choice not to have children, and the other person would like to have children, feeling compelled to do so, then for some, the meaning of their relationship or marriage itself may be brought into question. (See also Compromising)
Fertility Counselling, Infertility Counselling, Childless Not By Choice Therapy, CNBC Therapy
Fertility, Infertility Counselling, Fertility Counselling, Involuntary Childlessness Counselling, Childless Not By Choice Counselling, CNBC Therapy Some couples may struggle to conceive, be childless not by choice. Not having children, unable to have children (involuntary childlessness), unable to get pregnant may profoundly affect us. When we or our partner are infertile or having infertility treatment, this may impact upon our life in so many ways and put a strain on our relationship, marriage, changing the dynamic of our relationship (including our sexual relationship ). If we are childless not by our choice it can be difficult to talk about, share with family, friends, colleagues. We may fear misunderstandings, being judged, stigmatised. Involuntary childlessness therapy can be a space to talk about this, including social exclusion, our sense of identity or infertility. For some we may specifically be seeking childless, not by choice therapy. Yet there may be numerous physical, medical reasons why one or both of us may be infertile, which need to be investigated medically. Infertility treatment can bring its own physical, psychological stresses. The pressures, expectations, needs from our peers, family (our partner or even ourself) to get pregnant can bring on anxiety, feelings of desperation, failure, depression, obsession, feeling unwomanly, unmanly, inadequate. We may also need to mourn our deep feelings, yet also experience a deep longing inside. (Fear or secrecy in what others might say can prevent some of us grieving.) We may lose a sense of purpose. The choices and decisions we made may induce resentment, shock, guilt, shame, humiliation, self-blame, confusion, envy of others. The counselling for infertility is a space to talk about these reactions and also explores how we can relax, so as not to put extra pressure on us.
Pregnancy, Children & Parenting - Counselling In London
Impact Of Pregnancy, Children In The Relationship Or Marriage If we previously experienced baby loss, baby grief (maybe through miscarriage, stillbirth, termination) this can impact on our anxiety, relationships. Changes in the relationship or marriage and adjusting to new roles when having children and being a mother or father - can be a real challenge and the relationship counselling or marriage therapy can be a space to discuss this. The issues of "space", intimacy, sex (see also Responding To Our Sexual Differences), our expectations and changing needs may also be a concern. Some may value our singledom, be reticent about parenthood.
In the end we will conserve only what we love, we will love only what we understand, and we will understand only what we are taught.Baba Dioum
Our Parenting Style Affecting Our Children We all have our own parenting style (e.g. pessimistic, optimistic, uninvolved, involved, instructive authoritative/ disciplinarian, permissive/indulgent controlling, challenging, accepting, intuitive). And sometimes we need to flexibly adapt this to match our child’s personality, developmental stage - e.g. adolescence (where we have much less control over our adolescent children and beyond as they individuate, so if we want our child to change, we may need to change our own response - for we can only change our self, outlining to them why our old responses no longer work now, involving them in the process of change together). This can help avoid possible family rifts later on. We are a model to our children. People tend to treat us the way we treat ourself, e.g. if we ignore our feelings and needs, they too will tend to ignore us, if we tend to be harshly judgemental to ourselves, they will tend to be judgemental to ourself as well. Parents have to parent, and this means giving some boundaries. Yet if we try to control others, they will tend to be resistant. If we have acted in unhelpful ways to our children, a heartfelt apology can go a long way to repair any hurt, pain. As parents we may need to be careful not to project our disappointment on our children in not meeting our expectations. When we are loving and secure in ourself, dropping our need to control, the energy and spirit of exchange may gain more respect, be more influential than the words we choose (and we can or cannot choose conscientious parenting, conscious parenting, for our children.
Being A Parent, Mutual Parenting, Co-Parenting Being a parent has sometimes been described as an impossible task, because we are only human and can't possibly raise our children without making some mistakes along the way. Supporting our child's health, safety and wellbeing, balancing freedom and responsibility, being there for them and ourself for the highest good of our children and ourself may be important, as may balancing being empathic without being a pushover, vigilant without being overbearing. We all experience certain challenges of being a parent, whether co-parenting, we are a single parent, heterosexual couple, same sex couple, surrogate parenting, parents of children conceived by egg or sperm donations. The impact of our own parents may affect how we mimic or change how we parent by doing the opposite (or something in-between), where we also develop our own parenting style (e.g. we tend to be more optimistic/pessimistic, permissive or indulgent, controlling, instructive, authoritarian or disciplinarian, uninvolved, involved, instinctive, authoritative, challenging, accepting). Mutual parenting, shared responsibilities, compounded by the different philosophies of how to bring up children may at times get to us. Unhappy, miserable parents affect children, and in the counselling and psychotherapy can talk about this more. Our children model our own behaviour, so if we disrespect ourself, give ourself up for our children without taking personal responsibility, they too may take on this role model. A further challenge can be to support our children's free will, freedom to choose, what they want and to be themselves as long as it is not harmful, yet at the same time doesn't mean giving ourself up (see also Making Quality Time Together In Our Relationship). Maintaining intimacy and becoming sexual again, or bringing desire, passion, eroticism into the relationship can have fresh challenges as our roles, responsibilities, change and we struggle to adjust and adapt to these new circumstances. What it means for us to be a parent, co-parent, the challenges, tiredness, etc. can be included in the relationship counselling or marriage counselling. (See also Fatherhood)
The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them. they don't remember what you try to teach them; they remember what you are.Jim Henson
FAQs about the parenting Counselling London practice based in Kings Cross, Camden:
- What is the frequency of parenting counselling in London, Kings Cross?
- How many parenting counselling in London sessions do I need?
- How much does parenting counselling London cost?
- Must I visit your London counselling practice in Camden or do you offer Skype counselling, online counselling or Telephone counselling?
- What are the advantages and disadvantages of offering online counselling, Skype counselling or in-person counselling in London, Camden, Kings Cross
- Do you only offer relationship counselling in London, Camden or Kings Cross?
- What times do you offer parenting counselling in London, Kings Cross or Camden?
- How do I contact a relationship counsellor in London, Camden, or near Kings Cross?
- How effective is relationship counselling in London, Kings Cross, Camden?
- What can I expect from the initial session of relationship counselling London?
- What to expect from the other parenting counselling London sessions?
- What is the typical duration of the London counselling services in Camden, Kings Cross
... back to Relationship Counselling, Marriage Counselling & Relationship Problems - Index
